Waiting in the airport on Monday has honestly been one of the hardest parts of these last two years.
Three of us headed to the airport together that morning, and we were able to hang out a little longer before it was time for me to leave them at their gate and walk over to mine.
Normally, we are all heading back to the same state afterward. We’ll see each other in a few weeks, continue sharing stories from the weekend, and slowly recover together.
Since moving, that part has changed.
I don’t get to see them nearly as often anymore.
It reminds me how lucky I am to have these dudes in my life.
We’ve been through some shit together.
We’ve supported each other, watched each other grow, and somehow managed to stay connected through all of it.
Which honestly makes it harder getting on a plane and returning to another state afterward.
Listening to everyone make plans to hang out back in California gave me more FOMO than I normally have.
It brought back some of those feelings I still struggle with surrounding leaving, and the questions of if or how I eventually move back, while also reminding myself that I still feel like I have something to prove by staying in Washington.
With this year being as emotionally layered as it was, I honestly wasn’t sure what returning to EDC would bring up for me.
What it ended up giving me was space.
Space to process the remainder of the hurt I was still carrying.
Space to look around at my friends, watch them enjoying themselves, and realize just how lucky I am to be surrounded by that kind of love.
And while it may not be the type of love I long for sometimes, it is still something incredibly special, and something I need to remember to be grateful for.
The member of our group attending their first festival ever made a comment after Day 2 that really stuck with me.
When they were first invited as a plus one, they were hesitant. Like me, they had their own ideas about what something like EDC would be.
After doing some research, they decided to take the leap.
At one point they said:
“This is a playground for broken children.”
“This is how people reclaim parts of their childhood.”
“They get to fully express themselves without judgment.”
And honestly, I cried a little hearing that.
They somehow managed to put words to feelings I’ve struggled to explain for years.
It also made me think a lot about the person that first introduced me to this world.
When I look back now, I honestly believe they came into my life for that reason.
They opened me up to experiences, music, friendships, and parts of myself I may never have discovered otherwise.
And for that, I’ll always be grateful.
I really couldn’t have asked for a better final EDC
When I look back at all the festivals I’ve been to over the years, I realize how much they’ve shaped me.
Not just as an escape, but as something that became part of my healing and self-care.
This weekend also reminded me that I’m capable of balance.
I allowed myself to exist fully in the experience, make choices moment by moment, and trust myself to return home and continue the version of sobriety and life I’ve built for myself.
And I did.
My soul and heart feel full.
When I rewatch sets from this year, I know I’ll remember the smiles on everyone’s faces, the dancing, the laughter, and the amount of love we all have for one another.
I’m walking away from this weekend reminded that I can handle what’s ahead of me.
And maybe more importantly, reminded that I don’t have to do it alone.
And now the question becomes…
What am I supposed to do after this?
Taking Life with Chances 
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