Taking Life with Chances

Since joining the church, I’ve gotten involved volunteering for different things, as mentioned in previous posts.

A few months ago, I was approached and asked if I would like to lay lead in May.

I appreciated being asked, but public speaking is not my thing.

Neither is reading out loud in front of a group of people.

However, one of the things I challenged myself with this year was learning how to be uncomfortable.

So when it was suggested that I co-lay lead first, with the possibility of eventually doing it on my own, I agreed.

Mostly because I would only have to read a small portion.

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It’s funny that public speaking makes me this nervous considering my friends and I do a podcast.

But with podcasting, I don’t actually see the people listening.

Honestly, I don’t even listen to it myself.

Standing in front of an actual congregation, including the people watching online, feels completely different.

Even after almost two years there, and getting to know many members of the congregation, I could still feel my stomach turning thinking about standing up there.

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I put on the perfect hype soundtrack for the drive in and kept repeating to myself that I was going to do great.

I’m also a crier.

Happy, nervous, angry, sad… doesn’t matter.

My body’s response to most emotions seems to be tears.

Still trying to work on that one.

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When I first pulled into the church parking lot, I actually felt pretty confident.

I knew the parts I needed to speak, and I knew the person leading with me was a good one.

I got there early to prepare and hopefully calm my nerves a bit.

But then people started encouraging me.

Which I genuinely appreciated… but also somehow made me even more emotional.

I’m not really a pep talk person.

“You’ve got this girl!” type encouragement weirdly stresses me out more than it helps.

There’s probably something to unpack there, but that’s for another time.

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Kleenex stuffed into my pockets, I sat and waited for my turn.

And when it came, I got up there and focused on a few familiar faces in the crowd.

I missed one part.

Teared up.

Stumbled through another section I had completely memorized.

But I did it.

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After the service, I was met with the same kindness and warmth people had shown me beforehand, which honestly meant a lot.

And honestly, one of the funny things I’ve realized over the last couple years is how much church and festival culture overlap in certain ways.

Both spaces lead with kindness, acceptance, community, and people being encouraged to show up exactly as they are.

Different environments, obviously, but weirdly similar energy sometimes.

The PLUR mindset that exists in festival culture really isn’t all that different from the kind of love and support I’ve found within my church community.

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I’m signed up to speak again in June and will be taking on a little more then.

I’m definitely not ready to lead an entire service by myself yet.

But I also have a feeling my confidence will get there before I realize it.