Taking Life with Chances

I’ve noticed that I can usually tell when I start slipping into what I can only describe as a “blue” moment. People often talk about SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) during the winter months, but I’m pretty certain I experience a bit of it during the summer.

I think part of it is because there is so much to do this time of year. Festivals, concerts, farmers markets…it feels like everyone is out enjoying the sunshine. And everywhere you look, people are sharing those experiences with someone else.

The funny thing is, I truly don’t mind doing things on my own. I learned a long time ago that I can’t wait around for people to do things with me. If I did, I’d miss out on a lot.

That said, while I love Chance and enjoy taking him places when I can, sometimes I’d rather not have the stress of managing him. Sometimes I just want to enjoy whatever I’m doing.

But lately, I think I’m just a bit over always doing things alone.

I miss having someone to talk to on the drive home. Someone to catch up with about the event, compare experiences, and laugh because we somehow walked away with completely different versions of the same day. I miss looking over at someone during an event and exchanging that look that somehow explains everything without saying a word.

And it’s not even romantic connections that I find myself missing. It’s platonic ones too.

I’ve met some amazing people since moving here, but it isn’t the same as that core group back home. I realize those friendships are unique. They know me. They know what makes up this person. They’ve been there through the experiences that shaped me, and they’ve given me the space to continue growing.

I don’t want to tell my story again.

I don’t want to explain all the experiences that molded me into who I am. Looking back, I don’t think I appreciated those friendships the way I should have. Now I find myself feeling the distance—in every meaning of that word.

The longer days don’t help any of this. One thing I’ve noticed as a California native is just how much I took the sunshine for granted. Living in Washington has made me appreciate sunny days in a way I never did before.

As August approaches, it feels like everyone is trying to soak up every last bit of summer because they know what’s ahead.

Which, of course, makes me feel like I have to do everything too.

Maybe that’s really what these blue moments are.

Not loneliness exactly.

Not wanting a relationship.

Just missing the comfort of having people who already know me. The people I don’t have to explain myself to. The people who know the stories behind the stories.

I’m incredibly grateful for the people I’ve met since moving here, and I know friendships take time. The ones I miss didn’t happen overnight either.

Maybe this summer is simply reminding me that some things can’t be rushed.